Moons and Romance

 There's something so romantic about Jupiter's moons. Like, there's so much mystery about something so far away, and is there anything on Jupiter that looks up at its moon and what does it think when it sees it? Tonight, biking back from a surprise meeting with Steph - a friend so intertwined in my life in New Orleans that I forget we ever went to college together - I saw Earth's own moon from in between the buildings. We are so casual about the fact that our own planet is worthy of a moon - we are big enough to warrant the gravitational pull to keep some space debris in our orbit for us to marvel at every cycle, there is an entity orbiting close enough to determine our tides and sightings of mythical creatures - like nature's liturgy. Do I put too much pressure on myself to marvel at something so regular? What did I think about the moon the first time I recognized what it was when I was younger, this far away space thing humans have only been to a few times and that we will never ever see half of? I wonder if I ever marveled at it or if I always took it for granted. 

I watched Peanut Butter Falcon this weekend. It was that type of movie that I kept ruminating on for days afterwards - every entertainment "input" I fed myself afterwards felt like the dullest hum in comparison. I still can't even listen to my favorite podcasts - the taste of Peanut Butter Falcon is still so sweet inside my head, I'm still thinking through the questions it encouraged me to ask and parsing through the feelings it stirred. At the end, the "family" crossed over the border to Florida, debts absolved and good guys on the run. There is something so romantic, too, about the flight to Florida - 3 misfits who don't fit society's mold rejecting society itself for the sake of goodness. I wondered what resonated with me about that scene. What about it made me think the way I'm currently living my life was so purposeless and bland? Their commitment to doing "good" regardless of what society thinks is definitely a kicker. Their redefinition of "good" and "bad" was delightful. But I think their decision to forsake all their responsibilities in the pursuit of honor and dignity - wow. If I could be so lucky! But after the credits rolled and I ruminated and ruminated and ruminated, I wondered what happened after they got to Florida. Like, if we fast forward 6 months, what does their life look like? Because eventually Tyler and the woman are going to fight in their relationship or maybe even break up, eventually they are going to get burnt out on teaching Zak wrestling, eventually they need health insurance. When I lived in New Orleans I felt like I lived for every moment. It was romantic and magical. And now, that thrill is gone and my life is, honestly, dull. But I have a house that I own and make adorable, I have the cutest dog, I have a boyfriend and a circle of friends from around the country that keep my smiling and growing. And now I wonder, what is romance anyway? 

Elliott Smith

 Sometimes I think my best days are behind me. Watching the Bright Eyes Tiny Desk concert, I'm struck by how much Conor Oberst looks like Elliott Smith. Do people are so similar just converge in mannerisms, songwriting, and looks? I remember walking to class from my house on Maywood one day, and passing some friends who also played in bands in town, it was a small circle. I definitely wanted to be just like them, be accepted by them, generally have our lives intertwined, and one of them definitely had a crush on me. Once at a party at one of their houses, we listened to Elliott Smith LP's while they drank and smoke and I sat on the corduroy couch and relished in how much I enjoyed the moments that felt so magical. When I passed them on my way to class, they said we had to do it again. I played it so cool that we never did listen to records and relish together again, and I regret that. 

Conor Oberst, who looks just like Elliott Smith, is now divorced and I wonder what he regrets, and how it feels to play with the band again. 

Anniversaries

Today is my one year anniversary of moving to New Orleans. Today, the weather is a cool 73 (still hot for my internal clock set to Philly time where it should be in the 60's), low humidity, and breezy. One year ago today, it seems the weather was identical. I remember driving in on I-10W through the East which visually is a very far cry from a normal New Orleans landscape. Palm trees lined the neutral ground in between the lanes, the highway is ground level and not elevated, the houses within sight seemed to look more similar to houses up north than styles normally associated with New Orleans. I remember feeling like the swamp was encroaching on the highway and it was actually feasible to see alligators within a few feet of the road. Driving through the city we rounded the Superdome and I could see the actual city. That's when I got excited. I was really here! I was really fulfilling my dream of moving to New Orleans! It was exciting and I felt content, anxious, lonely, overwhelmed, and eager right at the same time. I think I'll always remember rounding the Superdome driving into New Orleans. 

And now, a year later, sometimes I feel content, frequently I feel anxious, often I feel lonely, in frenzied moments I feel overwhelmed, and I'm mostly eager to continue exploring this city I love. There was a time I felt content with every step, every moment of the day. Those moments are rare now. New Orleans is my city now, and with that comes more responsibility and more scheduling and less time to just sit and be here. I wish I had more of that. I need to get more of that. 

Here are some recent images that basically sum up my life. Not very exciting. 

Typical day at work at my favorite house we've ever worked on. So beautiful inside with original hardwood floors that survived the flood!

Lake Pontchartrain from the locals hang out spot.

A beautiful house. Houses in this state are so mesmerizing to me.

A beautiful New Orleans wedding!

Mourning on a Rainy Day

Today I mourned the loss of Detroit. How am I doing in this transition? It's like I've forgotten there ever was a transition to consider. I was in Detroit, and now I'm in New Orleans, and I'm thrown into the thick of it again. Will Detroit be a blip on my Facebook timeline and a few pictures on my blog? That's my worst fear. I don't want to fail Detroit, I don't want to fail New Orleans.

Asking "who am I now?" seems incredibly extreme, but I think self reflection upon an impactful experience is valid! Who am I now? Sometimes I wonder who even cares but those moments where someone takes time out of their schedule to ask me how I'm doing in my transition nearly bring me to tears. All the time I've been spending near the Mississippi to remember that there is life outside of my own has led me to forget the value of my own life. Funny how that backfired!

But, I think the first step in figuring out who I am now in New Orleans has been completed! My good friend Kelsey and I are signing a 12 month lease and moving to the Bayou St. John neighborhood of Midcity. This is a dream come true for me. I think since I've moved to New Orleans from Virginia I've wanted to live in Bayou St. John. Now I'll be there, in a diverse neighborhood with a community garden across the street, and we are a few blocks from the bayou and a cool bar. Even though the house is very modest (I don't even know if we have a closet?), there is a backyard for gardening and neighbors for sharing. Praise God! I think this will be a great way to live out who I am now.

Because the tough part about reflecting on my transition is that I don't really know what words to use to describe it, I only have actions to reflect how I feel and what I'm thinking and prioritizing. So I guess until I move in and settle, I am half packed boxes, dirty work clothes, and trips to the river.

D-Week 10: The Words I Choose and the Food I Eat

As I am saying my goodbyes this week, I am softening the blow by choosing to use the phrase "see you later!" instead of goodbye. So far, so good. No tears. Just thanksgiving and praise for a wonderful summer.

Pretty uneventful week, but mostly I'm probably shutting down emotionally as a self-protective measure. Jen's family was in town so we got to hang with them a bunch. Highlight: Phillies game! Thankfully, God protected us from x-treme humiliation and mockery by aligning the stars to have us go to the game we only lost 1-2. I don't care to recollect the numbers for the other two games. I love Detroit but forget that junk. We also went to Duly's Place for Coney Islands. Typically, American and Lafayette are Detroit's equivalent to Pat's and Geno's in Philly for cheese steaks, but my boy Anthony Bourdain went to Duly's for his Coney so obviously we had to go there. It was yummy.

No more words this week, I'm having trouble forming them. Pictures!

Baker's Keyboard Lounge - legendary for Detroit (and American) jazz. 

Baker's is supposed to have awesome food. It was pretty good - mac n cheese and dressing

Basil Vanilla Twists - an original vegan recipe from moi. All gone except for one! For Sunday potluck!

Rosemary Peach Monkey Bread made by moi. For Sunday potluck!

Reflection circle after a day of volunteering at Earthworks. Sitting under the shade in an orchard on a beautiful week day.

Rolling deep in the back seat

Duly's. Awesome diner. I love diners

Coney Islands

Tigers Stadium is really pretty

Fireworks every Friday at the Stadium!

I love fireworks :)

This is how we are eternally hip

Ok so as I was putting these pictures in I realized I wanted to highlight our food. Through our grocery shopping and eating out, both Jen and I have realized how abundantly God provides for us. We are shopping on food stamps, but Detroit just started their Double Up Food Bucks program, where at certain markets in the city, you can buy $12 worth of "tokens" for $6 on food stamps. So we rely on the markets to eat cheap, fresh, and organic. We also have been able to harvest the greatest food from our Hostel garden and from the community garden in our backyard. Carrots, tomatoes, garlic, onions, dinosaur kale, basil, and sage are all plentiful and delicious from our backyard. Soon we will have brussels sprouts and even more tomatoes! Another source of food for us is Hostel left overs. Certain guests really like to cook so they'll buy a bunch of groceries from the only two super markets in the area (Whole Foods and Honey Bee, both of which have amazing grocery selection - guaranteed yumminess!) and leave them for us when they leave. We've salvaged anything from beer to kale to pre-popped popcorn, a personal favorite! It is so fun mixing and matching our groceries and veggies and coming up with new dishes to try together and share with the Hostel. I can't articulate how great of a feeling it is to look at our dinner and know exactly where all my food comes from. I am thinking it will be quite a shock to go back to eating Monsanto and Round-Up from my local mega-grocery store in NOLA. Puke.

Typical hostel meal - Spanish rice was a thank you gift from a friend, avocados, black beans, salsas, beers, and cheese were salvaged from hostel guest left-overs. Cheapest, delicious late night snack!

Freshest, localest, cheapest, tastiest salad. From our backyard: squash blossoms, carrots, tomatoes, garlic used on bread. From Earthworks Farm: kale. For free from the local bakery: bread with vegan butter and garlic spread. 

Typical dinner: any mix of local/salvaged/bought food, $4 wine, sun tea, hot water, 30 Rock on Netflix, best friend. I will miss this life. 

D-Week 9: Farewell

I really don't know Detroit. I have had an amazing time here and my experience has been widespread, from yacht clubs to soup kitchens, but I've only been here two months. And, I'm leaving soon. I bought my ticket home this week and it made me very sad. One of the saddest things is that I really can't replicate my time here, nor can I explain it comprehensively to anyone who wasn't here with me. So leaving Detroit means leaving all my familiarity and memories of this city with the people I am leaving behind.

Jen and I recently got a package from our dear friend Alyssa, who stayed at the Hostel for a week about a month ago. We got really close with her and some of the other guests that week. In this package, she typed us a letter (on an old type writer!! She is too cool!), and her words really explained how I am feeling about this summer.

"I am so happy and thankful that I got to meet you 2 and Leslie and Amir and Jeff. That week of time spent together was so amazing and refreshing & joyful, it really renewed something in me, and at the same time it is (or was) a temporary thing that cannot be recaptured because the five of us will not be in the same place (in Detroit!!) at the same time again. And that makes that week all the more special."

But, as my time here winds down, we have been aggressively going after a short "to-do before leaving" list. This week we went to Hitsville, USA, or the Motown Museum. Our tour guide was Stevie Wonder's son, and we literally got to stand in the same room that so many Motown greats have rehearsed, recorded, and relaxed in. Wow. I was so giddy!

Jen's friends were in town this weekend so we went to the Pig and Whiskey Festival in the close suburb of Ferndale. I got a apple smoked sausage with cabbage and also a tempeh sausage with some kind of delicious aoili. We saw Passalacqua and Tunde Olaniran again (amazing), and saw Flint Eastwood for the first time. They have a female guitarist and singer and they were really awesome. It reminded me of my band days. I miss playing! We ran into one of the guys from Passalacqua in Hamtramck the next day and got to crash a music video set for Clear Soul Forces. Phat Cat was there, and he apparently was involved with J. Dilla (a producer who revolutionized the game - very worth looking up) back in the day, so apparently we are pretty eternally hip.

I also paid a visit to the electricians union to do some snooping about the possibility of getting a union card. I got the information I needed, but what stood out more was how scared I was to walk in the building. I asked my guy friend from the Hostel to go with me, and as we were walking in I explained how nervous I was feeling and hastily said "I resent being a woman." A few minutes later while we were waiting for the man I was supposed to talk to, I clarified my statement and explained that I just wish people would see me as a worker who happens to be female, not JUST as a woman. I want to embrace who I am, but who I am is more than my gender. This was a strange and anxious moment, but a healthy realization and reflection on what it means to be a woman in a male dominated field, and really what it means to embrace myself and be unashamed of who I am, which is something I am really working on this summer.

Pig and Whiskey Festival was very rainy for a few moments

Pig :)

Tom and Bootsy! i.e. Passalacqua

Tunde with his fabulous backup dancers

Sweetest Heart of Mary Cathedral. And you thought beautiful churches were only in Europe. 

The manager of the Hostel is in the incredible Detroit Party Marching Band, who played Mardi Gras last year, and they crashed a bar after rehearsal. They are getting down in and on the bar. 

Back porch sitting - what I will miss most

Eternally Hip +/- ster

D-Week 8.5: Bankrupt

I love this city. I can't say it enough. I love Detroit. I am confused and overwhelmed and anxious about what my life will be when I return to NOLA. Detroit is home. For me it's a safe space, an incubator, a retreat, a cultivator. Today, the emergency financial manager declared Detroit bankrupt.

As I was talking on the phone with my Dad about what will be next for Detroit, I looked around from the back porch of the Hostel. My Dad explained about the bonds and pensions (I'm very financially clueless so he was spelling it out as for a five year old), and said that the city will provide fewer services now that they are officially broke. I looked to my right and saw four empty plots. I looked in front of me and saw an empty plot and two decaying houses that are occupied. I looked to my left and saw a courtyard with 12 apartments, four of which are occupied, and one without running water so they jerry-rigged a makeshift shower and toilet in the doorway of an abandoned unit for them to use. And we live in a good part of the city! What can get "fewer" than this? Barely any of the street lights are on, the public transportation barely maintains a schedule, and the banks own what seems like every other house you see. I realized that I guess what I was looking at was a city that has been on the verge of bankruptcy for years.

Today Jen and I biked downtown to the River Walk for Bible talk. As we biked through the ancient skyscrapers I just felt sad. What is going to happen to this city now? Who will care about Detroit? What politician will ever do right by this city?

Talking to Detroiters, they seem sad about the declaration, but optimistic that a clean slate will help the city. I am so astonished by the perseverance of Detroiters to have faith in their city government. I believe in this city! I will always say nice things about Detroit. Despite the issues, every morning that I volunteer I am surrounded by Detroiters who are making their neighborhoods and communities better, who are laughing, who are hopeful, who are coming together to learn and grow and do right. Detoit is the most happening city in America with the most creative, driven, and caring people fighting to right wrongs and create a better city from the ground up. I've never seen that in any other city the way I see it here. Detroit challenges my heart's compassion and earnestness to see justice done. My biggest fear is that I don't carry Detroit's lessons with me as I leave this city, because the rest of America needs these lessons.

I have no idea what kind of effect this declaration will actually have on Detroit. But I am glad I was here for such a historic event, and no matter what, this has been the very best summer of my life!

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.